NFFL: Global Trade Partner Comparisons
As a man who knows his way around a trade, master negotiator if you will; its only right that I’m the one that gives the run down of our league members and their global leader comparison. There are important traits that one needs to have to lead a nation, create value for their economy, and see past the week, and look at things on a broader and more long-term basis. You need Guts, Moxy, a certain Je ne sais quoi. With that said, here are the league members and who I believe they match with from a leadership and trade partner aspect.
*Editors note: As per request identifying information such as last names has been redacted. I’m sure you all can still figure it out.
Me, The Commish.
If you guessed Mr. Roosevelt, good on you. (Cetta, this was one of our presidents!) He was a man of principle, a man who took risks, but also a man who understood there’s more to life with his creation of the national park system. But don’t let his love of nature fool you, Ted will have you wrapped around his finger while he sings you sweet nothings and convinces you to let him build a canal through your country. We don’t make deals for the sake of making deals, if people want to think that to make me look like an easy trade partner, sure, let em. But the BIG STICK always wins.
“The Big Stink” (Team Upside)
Who’s a guy that thinks he knows everything, yaps a lot, but in the end doesn’t really do that much. You guessed it, Mr. Emmanuel Macron. (Cetta, that’s the leader of France). France is boring, scared of wars, but has left themselves in a pretty good spot from a global standpoint. And that’s Pape for ya, was able to make a deal that kept him just barely relevant and in the conversation. He’ll talk to just about anyone to make a deal happen but lacks the Closer mentality.
Barb
This was easy, who is the current largest importer and exporter in the world? Cetta? Made in blank? No, I figured. ITS CHINA. Mr. Xi Jinping is my pick for Barb. He’ll trade just about anything with anyone, hats off, my man is swinging for the fences, but seems like dizzy bat prior to the swinging is a bold move. You won’t see me faulting a man for shooting his shot and just like Xi, Barb loves Unions! Freakin Commis….
Brandon the “Big Tuna”
Verrrry sneaky. And Jewish. My pick for Fisch is none other than Mr. Benjamin Netanyahu, (Cetta its pronounced “Neh-Ten-Yahoo”). Both powerful leaders at the top of the league right now and both dealing with storms in their own right. Fischer and Ben have more in common than you realize, they have quietly built important trade partners and a strong foundation to solidify a strong team. It seems everyone always talks about the other member of the trade that fisch is involved in, which is a good thing, meaning you were the one doing the fleecing, like having the US pay for a freakin sweet iron dome.
*Editors note: the iron dome is fucking awesome
Adam “the kid”
Like his nickname, Adams world leader is a child. He doesn’t understand the value of friendships or trades that lead to a better team. He likes shiny things and accumulating a bunch of mediocre things on his bench. Just like Kim Jong Un likes to stockpile low grade, out of date missiles! He believes having a bunch of missiles is better than having one Nuke. A man who values depth and occasionally cheats.
Greg
I tried to think of the most random country that no one cares about or even remembers exists. He doesn’t bother, no one bothers. He drafts his team and just accepts his fate. Maybe a European country that gets caught in the mix of wars. Nah, lets go with Andry Rajoelina, the current president of Madagascar. Fuck it, who cares.
Stephan
Again, another guy who is just borderline impossible to deal with. Send him a deal, he sends you a derogatory comment. He has clearly never read Art of the Deal, or any book for that matter. I don’t really know… I’ll just say Putin, lives behind a veil of lies. Talks a big game but then loses to Joe (Ukraine) in the consolation bracket. Sorry for the Ukraine comparison Joe, but in a way it’s a compliment, you suck at this, but you’ve got heart and just wont give up. (Please give up, Brady and Henry want to see you more.) Back to Cetta, yea actually you aren’t even Putin, I think he makes trades. So, we will just say you are Kamala to piss you off. Lotta Yapping, no doing.
Ryan “The Jerk”
Hats off to the jerk, hes growing as a tradesman. He used to be in the Greg camp of “I am a weenie who doesn’t trade” but my man is trying now. Are we in the stage of a lot of talking and little doing? Sure, but progress is progress, which makes me think of a guy like Harry Truman. He’s in the room with the big dogs now, but he hasn’t quite found his bark yet.
Alex “Big Bean”
A perennial world power who moves mountains with his words. I always respect a fellow tradesman. Phrases like “lets just make something happen here” or “I just need to shake things up a bit” come to mind when I think of Kier, like me, he understands the importance of keeping things fresh in the locker room. Again, this doesn’t make him a person to take lightly, He’ll drink you under a table and then trade you Jaylen Warrens upside… That’s why my man is no one other than the big hoss himself, Winston Churchill.
*Editors note: fuck yeah
Joe “Big Bro”
I think I said it earlier, Joes got all the intangibles, the stuff you cant put a number on. Grit, Heart, toughness, and guts. The problem is he has none of the tangibles… which one could argue in fantasy football is all that really matters. That’s why my man is Mr. Volodymyr Zelenskyy. They are similar in so many ways… They dress poorly, last names are spelt stupid, and a general lack of leadership but loves being on TV. Trading with Joe is nearly impossible, because his team is so ass every year, you cant find anything that even makes sense. Like Ukraine, being a country in this world, Joe is a member of this league, that’s about all I have to say about that.
Nick
I am going to search who was the man behind the Louisiana purchase because Nick only likes one sided deals. It was Thomas Jefferson, absolutely fleeced France. God on you Tom, but unlike the French, most of our league members aren’t as eager to trade away half of the United States for a bag of donuts.
Patrick O
Every Body loves Patrick. Yada yada yada, hes sooo nice, yada yada yada. He’s so handsome in his wheelchair…. So many things in common with FDR, just a nice guy, with a better smile. BUT DON’T LET HIM FOOL YOU, Pat comes off as the nice guy, but gets deals DONE! Just like my man FDR, perhaps most known for the “New Deal” that helped get this country out of a depression. Take notes Cetta. Trade talks with Pat are easy going, but fair and you feel a little bad because hes in a wheelchair, guys. Pat has polio. That’s why we haven’t seen him in a while, but good trades!
This blog was far too long and I ran out of creative juices, but hey Lets start the blog season out with a bang!
