Why I’m the Commissioner and you’re fucking not.
Listen, this ain’t a blog to just toot my my horn, telling you how great i am, why I’m better than you, etc, etc. It’s more about you people understanding why you are inept and unable to perform the position.
Since I can remember, i have been the person within my group to make plans, setup events, trips, etc. it’s not something i asked for, it became apparent that it was necessary. If i didn’t do these things, no one else would, and if someone tried, they were gonna do a bad job. It became obvious to me that i made friends below my league, less intelligent pions that i had to Shepard through life. Always the line leader, never the caboose. I need you to understand that i don’t enjoy the position, but i understand that it’s something i just have to do.
Assumed league member if i wasn’t commissioner:
Greg. Joe . Keer. Brady. Dan Golde. Stolls.
Bourke. “Adam’s Cousin” (Adam’s second team). Hubbard. Erin OB. Cetta. Eric (cetta brother).
The lack of leadership when i entered the league was apparent, i didn’t want to step in but i knew i had too.
With that being said - this is why each member is not the commissioner.
Greg - he’s a spreadsheet guy and nothing more and he’s damn good at it but that’s it. He had the reigns once and look where it got us. People drafting kickers in the first round.
Joe - Like Canada, if you have a DUI, we don’t allow you to be commissioner.
Adam - He’s a cheat and the league dues would be $12.50.
Keer - he’s a man of means. And i means this in a nice way, but you’re just not that guy pal. No one ever actually wanted to hear Ringo sing…
Cetta - His names hyphenated, aka lacks decision making and indecisive. The Dwight schrute to my Michael Scott. The only person that thinks he can do the job is himself. Also, he his pro-terror.
Pape - thinks he’s a visionary, a young Steve Jobs. When in reality, he can’t even remember to put sunscreen on at the beach. This league would be an auction dynasty with 3 IDPs and one “legend” player using stats from the 1967 season.
Barb - listen… he’s a nice guy but he’s a cop. Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym. Those who can’t teach gym go to the academy. I might have actually thought barb could handle it if it wasn’t for the first time i entered an airport with him, he might as well have been a dementia patient. Can’t handle too much noise.
Nick - don’t think he actually likes football, just does this to stay in touch with friends. Which i appreciate, but he knows as well as i that he doesn’t want this smoke. Just too busy with medical stuff, i think that’s what he does.
Pat - can’t say no to people and very easy manipulated. Also busy with medical stuff of sorts. Imagine putting your career over fantasy football? Not me.
Fischer - if being a commissioner meant tacking on mass, he’d be a hall of famer but it’s not. Too many forearm curls make it difficult for him to type on his keyboard, which would be an issue. I think that’s why he doesn’t talk much on GroupMe. Also, we can’t have another Mar A Lago scandal.
Bourke - the next draft would be at a graveyard or some other sad destination. He’s been 2nd place in this league and in life. I don’t know if this is true, but I’m almost positive i beat him out of the hospital that day nearly 30 years ago.
Again, I’m not writing this to tell you why I’m so great, it’s more to tell you all why you are all so inept and incapable. In the words of bowling great Pete Weber - “Hate me or Love me, you still watched.” You all watch while i do, and that’s just it.
-Commissioner Shane
Sent from my iPhone
